Monday, December 8, 2014

To be in love, and to love



This is inspired by a conversation I had a few months back with a couple of friends. The question was: "what's to love? and what's to be in love?".

Obviously, the question is about what it's like to have a love relationship with someone, at the beginning of the relationship and late into the relationship. Drawing upon my personal experience, I have proposed that being in love (early relationship) is selfish and narcissistic. You are attracted to the other person for a combination of reasons: beauty, intelligence, tenderness, humor, admiration, but it boils down to winning this person over, to owning her or her assent in some way, so it's pretty much about ourselves, seeking validation, fulfilling our desires or urges, and comforting ourselves with regards to our power of seduction which has somewhat become a social pressure.

Loving, on the other hand, after a relationship has matured enough, is (in my fallible opinion) about looking out for the other person's satisfaction, needs, and comfort. The self quiets down and becomes more of a vigilant caretaker. We still need regular tokens of validation from our partner, but feeling more secure than when we're single. As we get to know each other better, we can anticipate more or empathize more with the other person.

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