Monday, May 27, 2013

The men's guide for women

Today, I encountered a funny list of rules for women to cope with men. It is in French language and it would be hard to trace copyrights back to the original author as this is lost in the history of the Internet, but I'll propose a translated version below. While I personally disagree with many of these, I think I agree with about half of these, which I'll highlight in blue.


So, girls, you want to keep your boyfriend? Here's how we function so take note and maybe you'll succeed in keeping your man by your side without him going to see if the grass is greener on the other side of the fence:

The Man's rules
At last a man took the time to lay these rules on paper. Because we always hear you talking about YOUR rules. HERE's OURS!

And if all our rules are numbered as "1", this is no accident!
1) Men can't read thoughts
1) Learn to tip the toilet seat. You're big girls now. If it's up, you put it down. We need to lift it. You need to lower it. Did you ever hear us complain that the seat is down? No? QED!
1) crying is blackmailing
1) Communicate clearly! Let us explain it one time for all: subtle hints DO NOT WORK. Less subtle hints DO NOT WORK. Clear allusions DO NOT WORK. So JUST SAY IT!
1) "Yes" and "no" are absolutely acceptable answers to most questions.

1) Come see us when you have a problem but only if you want us to find a solution. If you only need someone to hear you complaining, you have girlfriends for that.
1) Anything we might have said 6 months ago or more is not legit to use when having an argument. What we say is valid for 7 days only and obsolete beyond that.
1) If you think you're fat, you probably are. So don't ask!
1) If we said something that can be understood in 2 different ways and one of these makes you sad or angry... we meant the other way.

1) You can EITHER ask us to do something OR tell us how you intend to do it yourself. Not both. If you already know the best way to do it, then do it!
1) As far as possible, say what you have to say during the commercials.
1) Christopher Columbus didn't need someone to show him the way. Neither do we.
1) All men see 16 colors only, like the default parameters of Windows. For instance, "peach" is a fruit, not a color. Same goes for apple and lemon. And we have no idea what "fuschia" is.
1) If we ask you what's wrong and you answer "nothing", we will act as if everything's actually alright. We know you're lying
but we don't give a rat's ass.
1) farting and burping are normal behaviors.
1) If you ask us a question that you don't want us to answer, then get ready for an answer you don't want to hear.
1) When we go out, whatever you're already wearing is already suitable. Really.
1) Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you're ready for a talk about football, cars, or video games.
1) You have ENOUGH clothes.
1) You have TOO MANY shoes.
1) I'm in good shape. Round is a shape and it's a good one.

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